回忆录：悲伤篇

已经快一个星期嘴唇那里生了两个 ulcer，也就在这一个星期里我只是吃着很淡很软的东西而已，要把稍微带点硬的东西放进嘴里咬都会成为问题。不要说吃，就连喝水说话都成了一个问题。因为吃东西困难，所以这几天里我都有在煲一小锅粥自己吃，今晚也不例外。

#香香热热喷喷的粥，陪伴着我，过着寂寞的夜晚。#

盛在碗里准备要吃时，我回想了好久好久好久以前一个女人曾经告诉过我的一句话：吃粥时要先拿在碗边的吃，因为那里的粥比较快冷... 很自然的我就拿起汤匙刮了在碗边的粥就放进嘴里啃了。吃着吃着，我对这个女人的回忆渐渐地浮现出来。

还记得是她教我分辨她与我爸爸的名字、

是她教我折衣服折给弟妹穿的尿布、

是她帮我洗澡换衣裤、

是她与我一起分享同一支巧克力口味 Drumstick 冰淇淋、

是她教会我最基础的经济学...

但也是她经常拿藤鞭打我骂我、

是她把我锁在家门外让我独自一个人哭、

是她把我心爱的小泰迪熊一把剪刀剪成碎片、

是她经常破坏我们家庭感情、

是她害到我家庭分裂、害到我们兄妹失去一个母亲的女人。

中学时还记得有一次填写表格时填到“孤儿”那一栏时，我犹豫了很久“我算不算是孤儿”的问题。最后被我婆婆哄了一声说：你还有你爸爸的啦，只是不懂他跑到哪里去做什么工而已啦！你要记得你死鬼老母是丢下你们跑掉的，不是死掉的，你不是孤儿！

我也很记得小时候我婆婆对我的话：如果那个扫把星回来要认你们，你们一定要拿尿拿大便来淋她！是她一句话都不说就这样丢下你们跑掉的，是她经常搞破坏的，你们不可以认回那个扫把星做妈妈！我不曾想过要去找这个女人，因为是她破坏我家庭在先，抛弃我们在后。所以如果她真的找上门来，我真的会把她给赶走。

偶尔在旧相簿里看到那女人的照片，我发现我已经不认得她了。想起婆婆朋友们以前常说的那句“你大孙的样子真的很像他那死鬼老母叻，尤其是那眼睛还有耳朵”，让我发现我们俩的确是有几分相似。

因为从小就这样带着坚强生活下来了，所以即使生命里少了那个女人好像也可以无所谓似的。去到朋友家看见他们有个完整的家庭，总让我感觉很奇怪，可能是因为太久没有接触过“家庭温暖”这东西了。虽然已经习惯会被他们父母问起家庭的问题，也习惯用同一个回答方式，但是每次回答时还是会犹豫一会儿才把它给说出来。他们一旦知道自己问错问题了就开始向我道歉。我没有怪他们，毕竟他们都是好奇他们孩子的朋友才会问问而已，我能做的也只是对他们笑笑说没关系。

#我们几婆孙合照。相信你眼睛，这张照片是真的有点模糊。#

正所谓“家家有本难念的经”，坎坷的故事不好听，我也就写到这里好了。

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Studying vs. Working

Recently I started to wonder, is studying better or working better ?


Studying: I pay to learn.
Working: I'm paid to learn, and for my hard work.
Studying: I have friends. We share, we play, we laugh, we travel, we're doing most of the things together.
Working: I have colleagues. We cooperate, we work, we busy, we're doing our best to serve the customers.
Studying: Staying up late just to finish doing my revision or reports.
Working: Staying up late coz I just got back home from work.
Studying: Exams determines everything.
Working: Quality of your work determines everything.
Studying: More leisure time.
Working: Lesser leisure time and resting time too.
Studying: Got to rely on others for financial issues.
Working: At least I can handle partial, that makes a lot of difference !!!
Studying: I can join clubs and societies for endless fun activities.
Working: There's no such a thing in the working environment.
Studying: I'm tired without any reason.
Working: I'm tired with a reason.
Studying: You'll not get sacked. Even if you do, that means you're as worse as a rotten apple.
Working: You'll get sacked, if you're not doing at your best.
Studying: Everyday is the same old boring day.
Working: Everyday is a challenging day.
Studying: Facebook everyday !!!
Working: Facebook just to check updates.


The statements above are based on my own perspective, it might varies among different individuals. 


For my current situation, I think working would be a wiser choice to made, if I'm really given a choice between both. But it was studying who provides me with knowledge and all sorts of necessary skills for the working environment...


Since this is a hard choice to make after all... staying in between both of them will be the best solution at the moment. 

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星期一

今天拿钱交房租时，

我向房东澄清了一些小事物，

换来的竟然是差点让我感动流泪的金言：

“你必须要把这个灾难当作是一个转折点，

好好地把自己的本分做好。

要明白先苦后甜：没有尝过苦，

你吃什么都不会真正感觉到是甜的。

你要加油！”

*********

这一天算是很特别，

毕竟这一天是我第一天上班；

人生第一份自己找到的工，

第一份领自己辛苦赚回来的钱，

第一份冒着什么都不会的态度打的工。

交了房租后，

我便去上班了。

才刚换好制服不久，

我便开始忙了起来。

忙着为客人写菜单，

忙着拿汤匙筷子叉，

忙着出饭菜给客人...

就这么样，我忙了很久。

直到我看见熟悉的面孔走进来：

我华乐团的朋友们...

我才发现原来已经那么夜了！

当他们找到位子坐下来后，

我便立刻飞去强着招待他们了。

有点坏的我为他们 A 了一盘刚出炉的炒饭，

又怕他们等闷了他们的 order，

我又去 A 了一盘写错单的炸豆腐，

还不时自作主张去 refill 他们的绿茶。

等到他们买单时我就下班了。

在餐馆奔波了整天，

难得有得坐下来固然是好，

但是疲惫的身躯需要的最终是休息。

但是在华乐合奏练习时，

因为自己饿、累、练不好而发了脾气。

过后我感到很内疚，

我不应该对别人发脾。

错的最后还是自己，

要怪也只能怪自己没做好本分。

在我自责的时候，

朋友们过来开导我，

并吩咐我回家早点休息。

当时我很感动，

因为我得到了许多的鼓励。

向团员们道歉后，

我便回家去了。

#要活得精彩，不要后悔。来，微笑一个！#

*********

“哎哟！下次给我一个 miss call，

如果我还没睡就可以打回给你啊！”

我承认是我傻、我笨。

因为你工作范围需要到处奔波，

很辛苦、很疲累，

我希望你可以好好休息，

本来还以为需要等多两个月半的时间，

其实原来只剩下两个月而已。

我期待，

那一天的到来。

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睡觉怪癖

在深夜时会开着电脑播些较慢较柔的歌陪伴入睡... 我几乎已经把这当成了一个习惯。一个人在房里闷闷时也会播着歌，好让我的偶像们陪伴着我度过每一天。我以为只有我会这么做，直到我遇见了一个人...

*********

虽然认识才不久，但是为了方便工作和搭顺风车，我跑到他家睡了两天。两个大男生晚上时就这样睡在同一张双人床上，盖着同一张被单... 当然睡着不同的枕头啦！


“你不会介意我开着歌睡觉吧？”
“哪里会，我偶尔也是会这样做的！有歌听才会比较容易睡~”
“哦！哈哈~ 不会太大声吧？”
“不会啦，刚刚好。”


*哔*了一声，开了冷气关灯后便躺下来睡觉了。


临睡时，我还记得到他家过夜前他在公司 MSN 里还很担心地问我：“你有什么睡觉的怪癖吗？” 
“到时候你就知道咯~”


在刚刚躺下来时我们两还有聊些东西，过了一阵子后便静了下来，也开始听到他呼噜呼噜的睡着了。听下听下，听到了梁静茹、蔡健雅、梁文音之类的作品。过了一阵子，还没睡着的我开始发冷了，虽然已经盖了那厚厚的盖被，怕冷的我当然还是觉得有点冷。我把自己缩成一团后便开始睡去了。


由于睡前一直提醒自己明天要早醒，所以很自然的比闹钟设定的时间醒了。我第一件发现的事情是我很温暖；第二件事情是我抱着一个很庞大的东西。当我清醒了一点我才明白，原来我在抱着他睡着了！


那时他的电脑正在播放着梁静茹与光良合唱的《只能抱着你》。“好想这样抱着你，我知道你有些在意”... 我抱得他有点紧，但是他并没有把我推开。好久没有抱抱枕睡觉的我，觉得抱着一个有点壮壮的人睡觉感觉还蛮舒服的。于是我不敢放开他，即使我知道这个动作有点像在搞基，我便闭上眼睛继续随着歌声睡觉了。


不知过了多久他手机的闹钟响了。我被吵醒了，但是我没有立刻爬起身，我也发现我还在抱着他。醒了的他伸个手到书桌按停了闹钟后便继续躺在床上，但并没有把我推开。我们俩就维持了这个动作有好几分钟直到我手机设定的闹钟响了我才甘愿爬起身。


当天搭他车到酒店公干时我问了他一句：“昨晚睡觉时你有感觉到我在抱着你睡觉吗？”
“不知道叻... 好像有一点点咯...”


第二天晚上我也发现到我又抱着他睡着了！他没有在抱怨什么啦... 但是后来几天他在公司时说肚子痛，自称怀了我的孩子，还配合他玩了几个星期的 “老公老婆” 。最后玩到闷了后就闹 “分手” 了，哈哈~~~




这个经历，我不会忘记，毕竟它是个在我人生里比较有趣、可笑、难得的经验。
哦... 还 get 不到我睡觉的怪癖吗？我可能会抱着人睡觉哦！

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音乐

音乐是奇妙的

简单的 do re mi 竟然可以演奏出不同的旋律

带着喜怒哀乐

供给大家欣赏

演奏音乐的我们

即使你演奏的乐器只是伴奏

或者是简单的敲打两三下

凡是顺利地合奏一首曲子后

都会有一种很开心的心情

接触华乐一年多了

对它的认识不多也不少

总觉得能够合奏一首动听的歌曲

在台下每一位演奏员都付出了时间

辛苦练习的回来的成果

当然演奏员们也必须要培养默契

才能显示出团结的力量

音乐是奇妙的

它，已经是我生命里的一份子了

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Cat, Ribbons and Song

Everytime when there's ensemble practice, I'll found the same cat lurking around listening to our ensemble and plays with us. She's cute, quiet and doesnt afraid of humans unlike her siblings which jumps away whenever I approaches them.


I arrived early yesterday evening and I start my practice from the basics.  Moments later I saw her coming near my feet and she brushed herself on my feet. Her fur was soft, honestly, so the feeling was quite comfortable, haha~ Then she jumped on to the chair next to me and sat there staring at me. "I dont have any food for you, so sorry," I told her. She seems to understand it, but still sitting there listening to the songs I played. 

#Sexy back... Lol~#

They say she might be pregnant since she's having quite a big stomach. Talking about pregnancy, the First Aid Society organized quite a huge event this week around Block D and E, focusing on the HIV and AIDS prevention, awareness of personal health and first aid knowledge. I got some free gifts from their booth which I've been wanted for so long since last week.

#Ribbons !!!#

Yeah, it might sound silly... since almost everyone that I knew got it but not me, it gives me the urge to get one for my bag too. And how lucky am I to get one from Sensei (since she already got one and she's receiving another again) that she pasted on my bag. 

#There it goes the Red Ribbon and my Soul Eater, Riku's Keyblade from Kingdom Hearts.#

And by the way, we're receiving quite a lot of small gifts along the booths set up around Block D and E. Here're some of the bookmark design that I got from them.

#There's more design of the bookmarks given out, and the most funny design is the condom-shaped ones !#

Talking about condom, they're having a photo-shooting session with a Condom mascot which cost RM 2, and they claim that the money they collected will be donated to the charity. 

Then Rannie-chan tells us a joke: what do you call a person wearing a condom mascot costume ? A penis !!! But if the question was "What is the name of the person wearing a condom mascot costume", the answer could be Dick, Dicky or Dickson !!!

And lastly, I realized that they played a song that I liked very much but havent got it in my MP3 yet. Two is Better Than One, performed by Boys Like Girls featuring Taylor Swift. Too bad that Taylor isnt in the MV, but its still a great song though. 

And yes... I do believe that two is really better than one, and I really cant live without you. =)

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